Woes

Last night I panicked about TAKS, my organizational and housekeeping abilities, my writing ability. I couldn't sleep for hours. Tossing side to side-different scenes playing in my head-all the things I've fallen behind on or completely lacked to do this year. Sometimes I think the longer I teach, the worse I get.

I think all questioning of my self stems from an incident a few weeks ago. I had something happen at work that really shook my professional confidence. I overheard someone making fun of me - or at least I'm pretty sure. Totally felt like high school. But it's made me question the way that my coworkers perceive me. I've always been the smart girl, but now in a new place with new people I wonder if something in my cheerful personality makes some people think I'm not so smart. I almost want to stop being friendly to people at school and just do my job. I was so crushed for a few days, then I decided it's time I grew a thicker skin. I've been getting my feelings hurt all my life and I finally think I'm ready to get over it. But I can't help but find myself more cautious. And I haven't been able to turn the other cheek with this rude individual.

When the bad stuff happens - I'm stressed or have a bad day, bad changes happen and what not - I question my career. Do I really love this? Is it worth it? Sometimes when I think about a change I feel trapped. I don't know what else I'd do. Sure I have a degree in advertising/marketing but do I have any experience? No. I just have no idea what I'd do.

I guess the truth of the matter is, I need to pray about it. And that gives me comfort. I remember I don't have to carry this burden alone.

And I need to have a baby!