Launch success

I wasn't sure at first, but after looking at the numbers it was a pretty successful party. About 1/3 of the people I invited came- which is what they said to expect. I had 8 or 9. I'm still waiting on some outside orders to come in before the party closes Friday. It was hard being the host and the jewelry salesman at the same time. I realize now that I wasn't touching the jewelry and showing people things. Also, the Bryan's laptop died and so did the Lounge music I had just downloaded. Oh well. The food and drink was great. Stellatinis, cheeseball, dip, pita chips, celery and grapes.

Launch tomorrow!

Okay, I finally got my jewelry stands and carrying case Saturday. My launch show is tomorrow after school. I am so excited. I set up the table in the kitchen last night because I couldn't wait. It's a good thing because I'm so tired that I'm cross-eyed and throbbing all over. I cleaned on the flowerbed today, bought and prepared party food, cleaned....Emily came over to tweak my display. She really made it look cute. I don't know what to expect tomorrow but I'm so looking forward to it. I'm thinking about investing in the rest of the samples I don't have. Even with 40 pieces, my table looks bare...=) Oh, rats, more jewelry!

New Adventure

In December when I thought I was expecting, I started trying to find ways I could create income from home for a year or two. I even prayed about it, but nothing promising really developed. That was over two months ago.

Last week I was on facebook reading everyone's update and I saw a girl I knew from Tech advertising for her home-based jewelry company. I had never heard of it and it looked really cute so I checked it out. The jewelry was just my style! Very Banana Republic-esque. (Come to find out later, the creative designer has worked with BR before!)

I talked to Jessica (Tech aquaintance) about it and she loves it and I did some research and decided I didn't have much to lose from trying it. If worse comes to worse, I'll sell until I've broken even on my costs and have a bunch of jewelry to show for it!

To make a long story short, I bought in Friday morning, ordered about 40 jewelry samples, read the 78 page new stylist guide, and watched training videos A, B, and C all by Saturday afternoon. I found a white table cloth, acrylic picture frames, and clear jewelry bags.

I'm still looking online for neckforms, trays, t-bars, and a ring destination. All the colors are white, aqua, and beige so that's what I'm looking for. Better get back to work on that!!

Woes

Last night I panicked about TAKS, my organizational and housekeeping abilities, my writing ability. I couldn't sleep for hours. Tossing side to side-different scenes playing in my head-all the things I've fallen behind on or completely lacked to do this year. Sometimes I think the longer I teach, the worse I get.

I think all questioning of my self stems from an incident a few weeks ago. I had something happen at work that really shook my professional confidence. I overheard someone making fun of me - or at least I'm pretty sure. Totally felt like high school. But it's made me question the way that my coworkers perceive me. I've always been the smart girl, but now in a new place with new people I wonder if something in my cheerful personality makes some people think I'm not so smart. I almost want to stop being friendly to people at school and just do my job. I was so crushed for a few days, then I decided it's time I grew a thicker skin. I've been getting my feelings hurt all my life and I finally think I'm ready to get over it. But I can't help but find myself more cautious. And I haven't been able to turn the other cheek with this rude individual.

When the bad stuff happens - I'm stressed or have a bad day, bad changes happen and what not - I question my career. Do I really love this? Is it worth it? Sometimes when I think about a change I feel trapped. I don't know what else I'd do. Sure I have a degree in advertising/marketing but do I have any experience? No. I just have no idea what I'd do.

I guess the truth of the matter is, I need to pray about it. And that gives me comfort. I remember I don't have to carry this burden alone.

And I need to have a baby!

Perfect Day

I get busy and forget about blogging. I hope now that I have a netbook I'll remember more often!

I had a wonderful day today. I was totally on my own; Bryan left for a track meet at 4am and I slept in until I woke up at 9. The day was mine to do whatever I chose. No one to consider. No one to check-in with. I felt more free than I have in a long time!

That may sound bad in regards to my husband. I don't mean it that way. I'm just a VERY independent person and my husband is not. So today was a day that rarely happens. It felt great.

I ate breakfast and had coffee and decided to go to Amarillo and buy a netbook. I had been thinking this over since last August. I just did it. By the way, Best Buy is so slow and annoying. I almost walked out. But I really wanted my netbook-so i gave in.

I ran to Market Street, Starbucks, a few places looking for some self-tanner. Oh, and had to retrieve my debit card from Leals that I left behind Wednesday.

Came home. Let my doggies in and finished reading Eclipse. Wow! Started Breaking Dawn on a Kindle from school. Have to say, the Kindle is kind of fun. It's easier to hold than a book. I didn't think I'd like it, but I do.

I'm just home, snuggling in my cozy house-in from the foggy cold outside, reading, with my doggies by my side. Waiting for my babydoll to get home. I'm really so lucky to have this cozy life.

Three weeks to TAKS. Frenulectomy behind me. Waiting on Bryan's test results. A bit of a stressful time I guess. The reality is if Bryan doesn't pass this test he may have to find a new job in a new district.

So our whole livelyhood kind of depends on that. Part of me wishes he would get a new job close by so he could work for a different coach. Sunray. Bushland.

Part of me wants to go toward Dallas or Austin. But I cringe at the thought of packing and moving and unpacking and redecorating. And of trying to sell the house. And take on rent or a 2nd mortgage at the same time.

For the most part I'm cozy here. Hopefully B passes his test so we are not forced to do something we don't want to do.

Blah

I think I'm experiencing some mild depression since the miscarriage. I don't want to clean my house. I want to cook and eat and watch tv. I guess that's normal. I need company so I'll be forced to clean!

And the miscarriage was a month ago...

baby drama

June 07. Wedding date. B and I won't be ready for kids for a while. The plan is to travel frequently and save money. (DEF HAD FUN. SAVING MONEY? COULDA DONE BETTER)

Dec.07-Dec.08. Living day by day. Dad becomes terminally ill and dies almost a year later. (BABIES NEVER CROSSED OUR MIND AT THIS TIME. MAYBE IT SHOULD HAVE)

Spring 09. We decide we'll try during the summer. (WOULDA STARTED TRYING NOW IF I'D HAVE KNOWN WHAT WOULD COME)

June 09. Stop BC pills. (SHOULDA DONE THIS MONTHS AGO!)

July 09. Start trying after getting back from vacation. (MY MOTHER GOT PREGNANT ON THE FIRST TRY, SO WHY SHOULDN'T I?)

August 09. Monthly messenger arrives to announce I'm not pregnant. (OKAY MAYBE IT WILL BE NEXT MONTH)

September 09. Not pregnant. (WELL SOMETIMES IT TAKES THREE MONTHS...)

October 09. Late. Get a negative pregnancy test first week and don't take another one - thinking I'll get symptoms or a period. At about four weeks late, on a Saturday I have an experience that I self-diagnose as a miscarriage. Hometown gyno says to look on the bright side - everything seems to be working. That's it.

November 09. Not pregnant.

December 09. PREGNANT!!!!! Great joy! Make appt with new gyno in the "city." Make announcement to families at Christmas. Internet browsing for baby stuff. Reread 11 pregnancy books faster than I've read anything in my life. Happy happy happy. Oh yes and crazy symptoms too. But only one sick day.

January 10. Monday school resumes after Christmas break. I start spotting immediately. Wednesday sonogram looks abnormal. Thursday after school miscarriage begins. Lasts 48 hours. Excruciating pain. Had pain pills this time. (MOURNED MORE THAN I EXPECTED. DEFINITELY MORE THAN THE FIRST TIME)

Dr. sends blood off for different tests. Says to hold off on baby making for three months.

Tests return normal. So this is where I am. We get to try again in April.

Been meaning to do this...

...since last summer. I found out today that my little sister has a blog. I could tell she was apprehensive for me to read it - because it was "negative" - "her place to vent." I read it and loved it for how real it was.

Being real in front of strangers is sometimes easier than with family and friends. I hate letting people down. Especially my mother. If I'm not smiling when I talk to her on the phone she asks what's wrong.

Before I started this I was wondering what my theme would be. Cooking? "Trying" to have a baby? Starting a writing career? Being a teacher? And who's going to read this, and therefore, how honest do I want to be?

I couldn't narrow my theme, and I couldn't think of a creative name for my blog. Any ideas?